Following the Siren's Song

This week has been the manifestation of a lifelong obsession. Maybe it was my fascination with Lost and an escapist's fantasy that kickstarted my giddy love affair with islands. It could have been the bright pixelated waters of Mario games. Paper Mario? Super Mario Sunshine? I've longed for tropical fruit and succulent seafood, a clearcut view of the horizon with nothing but multicolored waters surrounding me.

Like a Siren's deadly song, Koh Tao has drawn me into the Eastern Gulf of Thailand like a love-drunk sailor. I've never been to an island before this week. I've never even been to Hawaii. Shocker for a California boy, right? I've longed for something beautiful. Different. Peaceful. Enchanting. Islands seemed to be the solution.

And now, after 21 years, I am here.

My final day of diving on Koh Tao is in the books. I've explored to the highest peak for a sunset view, to the lowest depths of the coral reef.

Why do I feel like something is missing?

Virtually everybody I encounter on this beautiful island seems to love it more than I do. I don't quite understand what I'm missing. Have the partying backpackers I've encountered not cut it for me? Are my expectations for other people too high? Am I trying too hard to "find something more," meanwhile avoiding the beauty right in front of me?

I am looking. I can see it. White sand envelopes my feet as I walk the beach. Rich green foam flows with the waves, beckoning me towards the sea. Radiant turquoise waters fade to a deep blue towards ocean depths. Rolling waves lazily hum as they drift in and out. Cicadas buzz from the jungle expanse behind me. Their pleasant white noise certainly nulls their popular perception as an annoyance in the Southern USA.

I'm not sure what more I could ask for. Less tourists? Cheaper hostels? The beer cans and glass residue in the sand bum me out. I'm beginning to understand, and even side with, environmentalists in such a situation. How can we tolerate the spoiling of such beauty by tourism? We may run this place to the ground in a few years. The pristine Thai gulf has already started deteriorating due to mindless tourists. And honestly, I am probably contributing to the destruction with unnoticed negligence. Whereas people like Surin at the FWFCC give so much, asking for nothing in return. THAT is admirable. That is amazing.

I must consume less, and give more. What is a trip to the islands without the beautiful island?