Living and Learning on the Road

To die at 84 is conceivable, realistic and not entirely unpleasant.
And thus, at 21 years old, I venture through my quarter life crisis.

I remember the utter thrill of boarding a plane to Switzerland from SFO on a one-way ticket nearly four years ago. I felt a permeating excitement of not knowing what was to come as the plane soared away from San Francisco. I've done many of the same rituals this year as I prepared my journey to Thailand, with little variation.. I bought a new maroon Osprey instead of borrowing my cousin's backpack. I renewed my passport, instead of purchasing it for the first time. As I went through the motions of travel preparation in 2016, the thoughts of my coming experiences never elicited the same emotion as they did four years ago. Where is my untethered, genuine excitement?!

I had not allowed any time to revel in the excitement of newness in a foreign country. I hadn't given myself the time to process what exactly I was doing. I didn't give my life the forethought it needed. Some subconscious part of me recognized this emptiness a few months ago, urging me to buy a one way ticket to Bangkok. My flaming passion for life had been stifled by routine, by going through the motions of school and life without the finality of a goal in sight. I need to slow down, think about what I want to actually do, rather than flail around like a fish out of water. 

I completed all my schoolwork, sure, but it lacked the passion I used to know. I would get the A, I would get the approval from my teachers, but the fire in my belly had extinguished. I developed a potential thesis project I cared very little about, wasting hours at a time wallowing in anxiety and fear for my future. What will I do? Who will I become?

My limited perception of the world has been built by absorbing culture and society at home. I leave to break this viewpoint. To crumble it. To remember what really exists, to remember how limitless our lives really are.

I am smart. We are all smart, if we want to be. I can make my own path, because I choose to.

So, Joe, what is it you want to do?!

I suppose I enjoy pushing back when prodded. Boy I’ve let myself be prodded. It’s time I pushed back once again. It's time I pulled out from the race for just a little bit and reassessed myself.

With my phone left back home, a camera around my neck and a notebook in my hand, I travel.